Just about every bride-to-be or groom-to-be has at least one moment of panic in the run-up to the wedding. Did I make the right decision? Is this really the person I want to spend eternity with? While these feelings can be disconcerting, know that it’s very normal to have doubts. In fact, it’s natural and healthy! You’re making a huge commitment – one of the biggest of your entire life – and it will have lasting effects on you, your fiancé, your future children, and everyone who cares about you. Marriage changes your whole life! Your concerns show that you’re taking it seriously and understand how important marriage is.
But now what? First of all, find some time to be by yourself. Planning a wedding can be extremely stressful and you may just need to take a break. Ponder why you might be feeling the way you do. Have you and your fiancée been arguing lately? Have others been making negative comments? How long have you been feeling worried or upset? Are your concerns about the wedding or about your relationship? Think about what you love about your fiancé, your first date, the moment you knew you wanted to marry him or her. Take your concerns to your Heavenly Father in prayer. It may also help to write down your fears and concerns.
If you’ve had jitters for a while and taking time for yourself hasn’t helped to calm them, talk to your fiancée. Couples who can talk about their concerns and can work through them together generally have happier and healthier relationships. Make sure to spend fun time with your intended, too! Designate “wedding-free” times to provide an escape from the stress of wedding planning and to just enjoy each other’s company.
Many times, wedding jitters are a fear of the unknown. Have you and your fiancé talked about the Big Topics? If not, you need to sit down and have serious conversations about your values and goals. Yes, even two temple-worthy Latter-day Saints can have widely divergent views! Have you discussed finances? How do you each feel about credit cards and savings? How do you handle disagreements? What will your living arrangements be after the wedding? What about your plans for children, both when and how many? What are your educational and career goals? How will you balance time between extended families? Do you show respect and care for each other without trying to change the other person? While you don’t necessarily have to see eye to eye on every topic, don’t assume that major differences will simply disappear or be easier to resolve after the wedding. If you can talk about these important issues openly and honestly with your future spouse and make sure that your views are compatible, it can provide a great deal of relief and ease those jitters.
Talking to others can be helpful, too. Ask happily married couples you know for the secrets of their success, especially those who have been together a long time. It may also help to talk to your bishop or a trusted friend for advice and counsel. Many couples find premarital counseling invaluable for resolving concerns and working through issues.
Of course, there are some definite deal breakers. If your jitters started when you discovered that your spouse-to-be has serious issues like a drug or pornography addiction, or if there has been any physical, emotional, or verbal abuse, or if your fiancé has been hiding something significant from you – like $60,000 of credit card debt or an ex-spouse – get out immediately.
Other than those major red flags, most wedding jitters are just a normal reaction to a life-changing, stressful event. Take time for yourself, take time with your spouse-to-be, and look forward to your long, happy life together!
♥ Emily H. Geddes
Exclusively for WeddingLDS.com
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